Bush Unveils Post-Presidency Plan

Judd Skags
Houston, Texas

President Bush today announced his intentions to pursue a career as a NASCAR driver after his current term ends.  “With the string of successes in my personal life,’ explained Bush, “I know that Jesus is answering my prayers… in other words, the lord has given me a mandate to race!”

The President says that he’s learned from his experience with Iraq and has vowed not to launch his NASCAR career without a post-presidency plan.  Although the planning is still in it’s early stages, White House staffers and racing experts are in high gear as they work together to realize the President’s bold new agenda.  “Initially, I’ll be sponsored by the American people,” stated Bush, adding that the administration is already working on the development of several sponsorships for the transition.

Bush has already begun a rigorous and time absorbing practice schedule.  “Daily work at the track and a lot of communications practice are absolutely necessary for [Bush] to acquire the skills needed to compete in this fast-paced sport,” said racing guru and personal trainer Rusty Crankshaft.

Air Force One has been fitted with a gliding trailer to accommodate the racecars as the president insists on constant training despite his busy schedule. 

Those around the President think it’s a good move.  “There could be a lot of money in this,” said White House Deputy Chief of Staff Carl Rove.  Long bored of the President’s mountain biking routine, Bush’s security detail is also receptive to the new operational details. 

First Lady Laura Bush says that she’s standing by the president and is excited at the prospects of his new endeavor.  “This thing has been a dream of his for years. I’m so proud of my man!”

In a related story, rumor has it that Vice President Cheney has his eyes set on the National Rifle Association Presidency.

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