Anne Coulter Poisons Justice Stevens

John Daly
Washington D.C.

In a surprising and heroic move for the right, outspoken commentator Anne Coulter followed through with her suggestion and laced Supreme Court Justice John Paul Steven’s coffee with rat poison.  After writhing in pain for several hours, Stevens was pronounced dead at Georgetown University Hospital.

“We never thought she’d actually follow through with it,” said an anonymous neoconservative administration official.  “With all of the controversial things she’s said in the past, like "we should invade their [Muslim’s] countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity,"and “we should carpet bomb the entire middle east,” we just though she was spewing another outrageous, sensationalistic, comment for the money.  I guess she really is one of us after all!”

Although certain liberal groups are whining about justice for the Justice, no great outcry has resulted from the crime.  “Calling this action a murder is oversimplifying the matter,” said legal expert Flip Floppington, “if the extermination of Justice Stevens leads to the end of legalized abortion, then Coulter has effectively saved countless unborn babies.  If Anne could turn back time to 1938 and kill Hitler, would we charge her with homicide?”  No charges have been filed at this time. 

President Bush quickly announced his nominee for the now open position and urged bipartisanship in the confirmation hearings.  Bush’s choice, David Duke PhD, is a former Louisiana State Representative and is a proponent of ultraconservative values.  A staunch opponent to liberalism, Duke would like to take our nation back to simpler times.  “I’ve known Davy D for more than ten years,” said Bush, “I know he’ll do a heck of a job.” 

Anne Coulter Poisons Justice Stevens

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Poll:

Who do you think is the best commentator, Bill O’Reilly or Rush Limbaugh?

Bill O’Reilly

Rush Limbaugh

Too close to call!

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